Sunday, October 26, 2008

Moment of misery

Here’s a story worth to share (ask me if this is real…).

Sometimes I felt that the world seems bitter on me. I was once married and had a very beautiful daughter as a result of a 5-year relationship. I was in love with the man and had been faithful to him since day 1. He is too friendly that he committed himself to occasions, mostly ended him up going home drunk and wasted. As a result, a brand new husband was introduced to me.

Yes, I was a battered wife. I experienced being kicked to wake me up when he arrived home, all the punches were battled over my body. I didn't know how to fight. He is smaller than me and still, I considered myself afraid of being killed. I was upset but still, I continued to love him despite everything.

Then, I spoke with someone over a chat and served as a shock absorber. She’s a she, A lesbian with whom I shared my stories and miseries, and later on, started to fall for her. My husband new all about her and started a more different relationship after. More batteries until the date of our anniversary when I excitedly went home just to see the house so dirty and a rotten food at the rice cooker. I felt so sad that I cried and called my new lesbian friend and told her about what had happened. My husband and I separated since he almost killed me at our house.

I then started a relationship with that lesbian friend. Although it was a long distance relationship, we continued the relationship through chat, webcam and cellphone calls everyday. She seemed to have a full control over me, got all my email passwords and everything that I do on my computer needed to be viewed by a computer sharing system. I couldn’t even hang out with my friends and go gimmicks because she wouldn’t allow me. I needed to be alone..with her.

I started to become rebellious because I don’t want to be controlled by anyone so I went on gimmicks without telling her, and chat with my friends and anyone and felt I was already falling out of love. Until I broke up with her since she didn’t want to let go of me (feeling obsessed).

I have met this new lesbian chat mate, which was similar and at the same time, different with my personality. She is a lawyer. We acted alike, but we have 2 different worlds. I love to party and any perky stuffs and all she wants is coffee and hang out at coffee shops and stay boring all the time. We both have a girlfriend the first time we have met. Again, we fell in love with each other, but since I had a problem with my previous relationship, I chose her and left the other one.

My lawyer girlfriend didn’t leave her girlfriend though and lived with her while we were having a relationship. That was just fine because we started with that setup already. The relationship ended for only 5 months since no lawyers can be trusted and they are really born in hell. Totally liars and will definitely turned the world against you.

I then met this new lesbian friend who is based in Cebu and dealt with her to start a relationship. I wasn’t serious then with her because of what had happened to the past two same sex relationships that I had. She is the kindest, the very patient one that I have met all my life. Until we’ve met when I went there last year, I felt in love with her, and started to become serious to her.

Abusing her kindness, I always give her a cold shoulder and had a fight with her most of the time, threatening a break up. She persuaded, begged and asked me to stay with her. And I complied. I set to compromise but she never did. And lately, I realized I wanna be with her since we had the relationship for a year already and I don’t wanna have a long distance relationship forever. I asked her to come to Manila but like the answers she gave me previously, she’s afraid.

I was upset since she never tried, I don’t know really if she still wants to live with me or just want to have a so-called relationship just to say she has a girlfriend or what. This time, I seriously demanded a break up. Now, she gave me a cold shoulder. I was crying inside while I am not pretty sure if she is celebrating with her friends and happy or what not. I really don’t know what to say.

I am now single, detached to anyone and made myself busy. I don’t want to have any relationship as of the moment since I don’t want to experience the same miseries that I had in the past.

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